I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
