it was like his penis was on wheels.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
