im six kinds of drunk right now
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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