pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
