I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
