just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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