Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
