that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
