Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
