chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
