Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
pray to the hookup gods
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
