She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We don't watch enough power rangers
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
