ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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