i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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