hell yes lets make some ravioli
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
