Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
