I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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