I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
