Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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