He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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