thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This baby is an asshole
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
