Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
