You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
