My cat gives me a boner
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
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