he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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