Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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