he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
