She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
