The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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