I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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