I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
