This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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