I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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