Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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