some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
