phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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