I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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