the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
