there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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