her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
