OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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