Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
