Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
