Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
