I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
