I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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