her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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