I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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