The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
