Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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