he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Less talking, more tequila
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
