I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
