Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
