I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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