Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
