Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
