just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
