Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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