Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
