Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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