Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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